I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
