he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
