i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I need a beard to bite.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
