If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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