she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
In America we eat man semen.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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