She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
