Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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