i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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