MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
