Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
