Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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