the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
