I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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