they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
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She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
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I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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