You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
this will be a night to untag.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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