considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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