I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
