pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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