Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
