I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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