How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i wish my penis had a tongue
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You're like the curious george of whores
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
