she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
