the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
