meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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