im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
