I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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