i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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