She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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