you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
