Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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