Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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