The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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