barbara walters just said penis...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
