Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Operation Purity has been aborted
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
