mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
