I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
