are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
