I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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