Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
