Screwed.edu
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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