yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
