i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
