she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
