Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
