it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
