I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
