I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
