I cannot find my penis.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
