A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
