So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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