oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
we're so committed to being not committed
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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