and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
