you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
