Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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