I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
