that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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