My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
