i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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