Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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