Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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