Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
