I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
