Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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