mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
