May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
