It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
