u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
