YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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