All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
