he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
