life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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