You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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