i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
