You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
