is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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