People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize