Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
