I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize
