you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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