The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
