I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
