You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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