he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
